Through the years I’ve learned a lot about a particular weakness of mine. This weakness is multi-faceted and becomes clearer to me with each passing year. I don’t learn the way most people do. 1) I process information slowly – efficiently – but slowly. I liken my brain to an old computer with lots of memory, but a slow processor. 2) I am often blatantly ignorant of completely obvious facts. This one embarrasses me the most and is the reason I tend to prefer taking a back seat in group conversations, for fear I will expose this weakness. 3) The previous two weaknesses combine into the third weakness of being unable to speak my mind clearly when put on the spot. My mind is full of deep interwoven thoughts, but to get them out orally is extremely frustrating to me. Fortunately, the Lord has provided a way for me to do so through writing.
I was recently reminded of these ‘disabilities’ when I was in my Biblical Hebrew class and had an awkward moment from category 2 above. In short, I was explaining my misunderstanding of a concept that was painfully obvious to everyone in the room including my teacher. It was kind of like looking in the fridge for the gallon of milk that is right in front of me but I just couldn’t see it. Anyway, the concept finally clicked, I blushed, wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, and class went on.
After thinking about the experience for the rest of the day, I realized further that this awkward weakness has in many instances helped me to see what is not so obvious to other people, or to think ‘out of the box’ so to speak. In that regard, it is a curse and a blessing; A weakness and a strength.
Then later that night, I became interested in the gospel doctrines that underpinned my situation, and found myself reading Ether 12: 23-27. In these verses I found Moroni in an exactly opposite situation to me, who considered himself a powerful speaker and a lousy writer. He was so concerned about it that he spoke to the Lord. Then the Lord gave his well know response, “if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble”.
This passage led to further study, when I found out that Nephi also shared Moroni’s concerns. “And now I, Nephi, cannot write all the things which were taught among my people; neither am I mighty in writing, like unto speaking” (2 Nephi 33:1).
Further study helped me see that my weakness (and strength) was shared by Moses and Joseph Smith. Moses’ weakness in speaking and having a “slow tongue” are described in Exodus 4: 10-16. The Lord provided his brother, Aaron who had the gift of speaking, as a mouthpiece. Then, Lehi, quoting Joseph of Egypt saw Joseph Smith in vision and said: “And the Lord hath said: I will raise up a Moses (Joseph Smith Jr.)…and I will give judgment unto him in writing. Yet I will not loose his tongue, that he shall speak much, for I will not make him mighty in speaking. But I will write unto him my law, by the finger of mine own hand; and I will make a spokesman for him. (2 Nephi 3:17)
These passages helped me to realize that the Lord has given me my weakness for a purpose. I have always loved education, whether I excelled in it academically or not. I realized that if I had confidence in my academic interests and abilities I would have become proud and spiritually weak. In all likelihood my faith would now be dormant. My weakness has largely kept my pride at bay in all things academic.
Weaknesses can be likened to the moon, whose gravitational pull helps to stabilize the earth’s orbit and seasons. Without the moon, the earth would have an irregular wobble that might adversely affect seasons, which would affect crops, and life as we know it. Likewise, weakness stabilizes over confident people, which may otherwise live with spiritual instability.
I wonder how an orally confident Moses, or Joseph Smith might have changed history. In addition to their many other gifts, perhaps the gift of speaking may have made them overly proud and unable to perform their prophetic roles as well as they did, or with the level of humility they both possessed.
Acknowledging our weakness is a righteous pursuit, and one that bears heavenly fruits. The Lord told Moroni after he confessed his weakness in writing, “And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father” (Ether 12: 37).